The Man on the Roof… That’s Me!! For All The Wrong Reasons…..
I'm sure most of us know the story of the man on the roof in his home in the middle of a flooding, calling out to God to save him. Many opportunities arise for his saving but he’s holding out for God himself to do something miraculous to save him. Of course, eventually he succumbs to the flooding and after his demise, he appears at the pearly gates demanding to know why God forsook him. And the truth is God, provided countless ways for him to be saved but he rejected them because it wasn’t what he expected or wanted.
This story makes me cringe, as this is partially the story of my old life in a way & it is made worse because of a twist in the tail.
In my childhood I suffered a traumatic event that filled me with shame & guilt. I wanted my life to be over and spent the next 15 years of my young life; running away; by whatever means available to me.
At night I would cry myself to sleep, angry at God for letting what happened to me happen, while imploring Him to heal, fix & make me whole once more.
But on awakening, nothing would have changed, leading me to hate God, denounce and reject Him, believe He cared for everyone else but me.
This was ‘Me on the Roof’, so blinded by my sense of victimization, so closed to putting the work in, believing it wasn’t up to me; that He owed it to me to wave some kind of magic wand and make it all better, that it wasn’t my responsibility to fix myself, after all , I was the victim, the wounded soul.
Over the years, having worked with therapists and sponsors in different fellowships [ a sponsor is a mentor; a person who has worked a spiritual program of recovery and freely shows another how they recovered or healed]. Working the 12 steps and completing a change of attitude, a new perspective of life on life’s terms, that is the goal.
Looking back, having worked with 3 therapists and over almost 40 years of 12 step membership, 9 sponsors; it wasn't until I started working with this last sponsor; did I accept that to truly heal, I must release all of my demons, my skeletons, my shame, guilt, anger, resentments, fears and insecurities and most of all give up the role of victimhood. But behind all this, subconsciously, there was an intent to hold back the deepest darkest of my pains, planning on throwing them in God’s face when that time would come.
Knowing, I no longer had the capacity to keep a lid on this, I had what we call a spiritual awakening moment. Married with two teenage children, I was sick & tired of enduring life; wanting to be free of all of my past; to finally be free to live and enjoy being in the moment; the decision was made to give all of my past back to it’s rightful owners; to give all of my fears, resentments, shame & guilt over to The Care of God and most of all to carry this out by Casting Out My Demons, through the Teachings of Christ.
In 12 step programs around the world, we are open to a Higher Power and even a God of our own understanding; but God of the Bible gets rejected out of hand. I’ve attended meetings where, I mention God of the Bible and its akin to being tarred ‘n feathered, whilst it’s oK to mention any other form of God language.
But here’s the point I wish to share with you.
In my research, I have only found One Spiritual Solution, that offers The Miracle of Casting Out of Ones Demons.
This Spiritual Solution is through embracing The Teacher and His Teachings.
I am of course referring to Jesus Christ. again and again, He cast out demons & after He rose from the dead, He was recorded, telling each of us, that we too have the capability to achieve what He achieved and much, much more.
This is His promise to each of us.
So if you are assailed by your own demons, by shame and guilt, nightmares & night terrors and you truly want to be free today, then this is your time.
Today, I am non longer that fellah standing alone, waiting for God to do all the work.
The Good News tells me:
Faith Without Works is Death
That when I put the work in, He puts the people, places and things, in my path to help me to achieve my goals.
I have made peace with God, and have released the past back to its rightful owners.
My lot today, is these 24 hours only, & I am not alone, I am never alone.